I lost my confidence and respect to my self when i give my second change to the man i expected that he is a gift from God. sometime my belief make me hard to decide what is the best for me. 
Looking backward to my past, i sleep good and  i look at my self very smart, respectful, a woman that lucky in my careerand never have sex to any man, no bf since 5 years is hard to believe, I am full of confidence every man wanted to be with me but i can say sorry im not planning to go have bf, after all years convincing my self that im not getting younger so i need to give change to my self and stop torturing my self, I meet this man who i think he is a Gift from God all I think he is amazing he trusted me cos he send money for land and im presume that he is a lawyer he know all of the policy of the  country, I look at him too high and never notice if he is really a good man and deserving for me. Im so prouve to my self cos  I know Im in 1% in 1 million woman so I know i deserve for a good man but now its turn into hill my life, and make me dust, I lost my respect to my self and all confidence. God I know your watching me, You know that since July i don't go to work cos i already focus my self in the land that this man buy, I presume and start dreaming a new family so eager and even too hard to go back in farming i just get all my inspiration cos i have goal to have a lifetime  family with the blessings from my parents and from church.
Now, I'm asking my self do i need to accept the disaster and make me disrespect my own self, things  that i know i just forcing my self and just making things to work out even its against my will. I just dream simple life, with dignity and respect to my self and my son can be proved of me Im happy for this life already I realize better no man that to have man and make  sick and don't see me as human, I feel he is just using me cos he know im easy to please. Dear  God help me to get back in my old life. I don't need man and more money to be happy. I just need to get back  my respect to my self and confidence that i lost cos of this wrong change. Please God Help me to decide give me signed. 

Thanks God You Always Guide Me

Love sometime help us  to be strong and as of now so many problems cos of my father is sick and he is under medication and the maintenance is too expensive. God helped me to produce  all my father needs for the medication.
thanks God I have received my commission and my problem solve. I know God you always helped me . Thank you dear God you always there for me.